The Last Stand – a bashing

Arnold Schwarzenegger stars in The Last Stand. This movie is bad. A special kind of shut your brain off at the door bad.

The evil drug kingpin breaks out of FBI custody. He steals a really fast car. Obviously the only one who can stop him is a small town sheriff, his three deputies, and a couple of quirky locals.

This review will contain spoilers. I figure that is fine because the movie is review proof.

First you need to accept the car. It is a special concept Corvette ZR-1 with 1000 horsepower that can travel 191 MPH. It can dodge traffic at speed. It can perform a bootleg or Rockford at high speed. It has no ground clearance, but is fine off road. It can outrun a helicopter. It has night vision for dark running. If another vehicle hits it in the front it will cause that vehicle to drive up the hood and flip. The corvette is nigh invulnerable.

It runs from Nevada to Mexico. No cops can catch it. It is too fast. The also can’t setup roadblocks. Actually they try one. But it is a disaster. I guess the car goes too fast to call ahead for more road blocks.

Until the end. When the sheriff borrows the mayor’s Camaro, it turns out that it can always catch up to the Vette.

The big city FBI think the local police are hicks. Obviously they are stupid for making such stereotypical assumptions. But the locals are all hicks. Except the sheriff and he trained in the big city.

Don’t worry it isn’t all car chases. There are gun fights too. And the bad guys have a rocket launcher, but the good guys have a mini gun. There is a huge gun fight. A whole team of paramilitary bad guys buys it. Guess how many good guys?

Finally the sheriff. He is old. This means that when he falls through a door or off a roof, he pauses before getting up uninjured. He can take numerous serious cuts to the legs, but they don’t impede him in any way.

The movie is really, really dumb. But none of it matters. It has nifty car chases and stunts. It has Arnie being tough. It has lots of comedy. It rules.

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