Sorry. This is one of those horrible, “let me tell you my dream” stories. But it should be short.
I woke up and looked in the mirror. My beard had gone patchy overnight. Huge chunks were just gone. Other patches were much shorter.
“what fell disease have I acquired?” I exclaimed.
In dire situations like that the only thing to do was go back to bed. When I pulled back the covers, my clippers were buried in the sheets. I realized I’d accidentally shaved by moving my cheeks against the clippers in my sleep.
“That explains the buzzing that woke me up and the razor burn,” I thought as I got back into bed.
That was weird enough that I woke up. I felt horrible. It was 2 am. I wondered if it was a fever dream. But I think I was just dehydrated.
I got up. Checked the mirror. Normal bushy beardness. Drank a lot of water and went back to bed.
Had trouble falling to sleep again. Had to play Helena Beat to myself as a lullaby.
But I feel better this morning now.