Warning: This post contains recountings of inadvertent bare-assery. You have been warned.
Note: My swim club post made swimming sound like a solitary sport. It is both a team sport and a solitary sport. Maybe someday I’ll go into that.
These are two of my most embarrassing anecdotes.
Other than swimming competitively my favorite place to swim was Slocan Lake in the Kootenays. Not when I was young because I was fairly certain I was sharing the lake with the Ogopogo, but once I was older and realized it was likely a harmless lake monster.
We were down at the bay one day on vacation. There was a nice raft out on the lake for swimming out to and jumping off of. This day there was also a big log floating in the bay. It was perfect for reenactments of scenes from “The Log Driver’s Waltz.” At least it was until I slipped from the log and a protruding branch remnant caught my swimsuit and pulled me under the water as the log rolled.
I wasn’t in much danger. I pushed out against the log and came free. I don’t think I even lost my breath. But I did lose my suit. It ripped nicely into two pieces. I had to run out to my towel on the beach – my full moon eclipsing the midday sun. Fortunately I had only family on the beach… of course that means I can still of it to this day.
At least it was only semi-public though.
Years later, in my second year of university, I went to the West Ed Mall water park with some friends. Stef was bringing Pauly and I to meet his girlfriend for the first time. She had come into town with her twin sister. The way I remember it neither Pauly nor I were hitting on the sister, but as Stef and his future wife were spending time together, we were left to entertain her. Regardless of our intent our reception was decidedly frosty.
We were sitting in either a hot tub or just the shallow end of the pool when I grew tired of he mostly uncomfortable silence and went to play in the waves. I was happily diving into the waves and throwing myself over them when Pauly came running into the pool behind me. He was calling my name, but doing it sotto voce. When he reached me, he said:
“Todd, you’ve ripped the ass end our your suit.”
He might have said more, but I was already on my way back to the dressing room. I spent the rest of the afternoon on a lounge chair watching the fun.
I may not have wanted to hit on the sister, but I found that I certainly made no time with her even after revealing my best end.