Dichotomies of me

So this post is very un-Todd.  Look away now if you don’t want to obsess over self-revelatory BS.  (But not too self-revelatory.  It isn’t that un-Todd like.)

Sort of an unnecessary post in most ways as I like to think of myself as a fairly open book.  But there are some dualities (or simply incongruities) to my nature that I can’t explain.

  1. Introvert vs. Extrovert – I’ve never understood personality types A and B and whatever.  I don’t think I fit any of them well.  In large part because I am an extroverted introvert.  I love to be the centre of attention – I have a blog for crying out loud!  But I hate to claim the centre of attention.  I’ll happily sit and watch for the most part unless offered the middle, but I’ll be thinking – this is a good place for a speech.  And I’m more comfortable being the centre of attention among 500 than 5 too.  Weird.
  2. Love people, but require solitude – More than many I love to be around people.  When work from home ideas were tossed around I had a visceral negative reaction.  I also like pretty much everybody.  But I need time in solitude on a regular basis.  I can’t stand things that intrude upon that – phones especially.  (Odd because I’m generally thrilled that anyone would take the effort to call.)
  3. Lazy, but work oriented – I am plenty capable of doing nothing at all (except maybe learning – see below) and not having a problem with it.  Especially when it comes to my own requirements they can always be put off.  But I deeply love to be doing something.  If I must work, I want to be busy and I want to do a job that others envy.
  4. Have collections, but am not a collector – I have lots of stuff, but I don’t collect anything.  Weird considering my house is packed overfull of books and games and comics.  But they are all bought for playing or reading not to own.  I don’t have any pride of ownership.  If I lost anything in the house I might be upset because I would lose its use, but not because it was mine.
  5. Love to debate, hate to argue – I’d say that I value ideas and opinions that differ from my own more than ones that agree with me.  It disturbs me that the big city and the Internet gives more opportunity to form like-minded communities.  It seemed to me that a small town had more opportunity for different ideas to rub up against each other since you couldn’t avoid them.  I really miss that about work.  But I hate to argue.  I’ll generally shut up and let an argument pass than continue one.
  6. I hate sales – This is what i was thinking of before starting this list.  There is no dichotomy here, I just hate to sell things.  I just want to do the work.  Looking for a job is unnatural since what needs to be sold is my own skills.  I also hate to be sold to.  I’m not sure it is the same thing.  Anyway this together with point 4 means I hate big stores – malls, walmart, Costco.  Simply going into them makes me feel uncomfortable and given enough  time I’ll become morose.  I’ll shop where I can form a relationship if I have to pay twice as much.
  7. Game Player, but I suck at games – I love to play games (not with relationships, but real games), but I suck at them.  I think neither tactically nor strategically and I blow at seeing what another player is doing.  🙂  I lose a lot, but fortunately I am a good loser.  It makes it sound like I am not competitive, but I am deeply competitive.  I also deeply love rule sets.  I’ve devoured many more rule sets for games than I will ever ever play.
  8. Learning – I love to learn more than just about anything, but I have no idea how I learn.  I am not a visual learner, or tactile, or auditory, or by repetition, whatever.  I learn intuitively as far as I can tell.  It makes me a lousy teacher since once I get to the point where it is obvious to me I can’t move beyond that.  I also care very little about how to do something, but I need to know why.  That is why I liked university, but hate certification courses.  If I know why something works, I’ll figure out how to do it in short order.  But a certification wants me to provide a script on how to do something and I see almost no value in that.  Especially since the exams almost never ask why it works.
  9. I like organization, but am not organized – I’ll fit into any organization without a ripple.  Hopefully for its betterment.  I like to see a method and process to doing things (so much so that I’m possibly willing to overlook some inefficiencies).  But I hate to organize something myself – I’d prefer just to have it come together at the last second.  I’d rather deal with the stress of handling what has been forgotten than the stress of worrying that I I haven’t forgotten something. 🙂

BTW, if that sounds sad, I’d just like to point out that I think I’m pretty awesome.  And not irregardless of what is above, but maybe because of them.

It is also an interesting list, but doesn’t really cover my core values – so I’m not sure what can be read into it.

Or maybe it isn’t interesting.  If so, what are you doing at the bottom of the post?  Move along.  It’s over.

Tomorrow there will be comics.


9 thoughts on “Dichotomies of me

  1. David Silvestri says:

    Hey… we all like Todd the way he is…

    1. Goofy
    2. Sorry to intrude… I just wanted to say happy birthday over the phone, rather than on this interweb thing ;). I don’t think you were ignoring me, but wished i could have spent some time with you on your birthday… ah well, will have to make it Friday instead.
    3. I’d call you goal motivated, so long as the goals aren’t personal… otherwise you’ll find a way to put them off.
    4. You are not a collector… though, sometimes I wonder if you are a closet hoarder. 🙂
    5. won’t argue with that one.
    6. you are your own worst critique, and you hate to criticize… almost to a fault… we should all be so lucky to have that as one of our “worst features” 😀
    7. I still believe you let us win… you get a sick satisfaction by letting us win, all the time you’re saying to yourself “that’s right, I let you win… bwahahahaha”
    8. I think being Government guys had this bread into us… why do we need a cert to prove we can do something. If you want something done… we just figure out how to do it? What the heck does the paper or letters behind the name mean?
    9. I’m not even sure you like organization… you certainly aren’t organized (neither am I… but I’m slightly more so… it’s why you’re mom likes me 😉 ).

    Happy 37th birthday to my life long friend… I hate that you’re unemployed, because I know you are happier when you are employed. I’d hoped that when you found yourself jobless you would use the open invitation to come visit more (cough cough)… but I still get to see you lots…

    Here’s to far more than 37 years.

    I’ll bring your b-day present Friday or earlier… maybe 😀

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